Walk the Line

It is strange to not be able to do what you know you once could.

Each time I saw the neurologist, he asked me to do various things to test what parts of my body were affected. He asked me to do a simple exercise.  Walk with one foot in front of the other, as if I was walking on a line. (You know, the one you see in the movies that they make impaired drivers do...yeah that one).

I thought...no problem...

I went to take a step and couldn't figure out how to get my foot to line up in front of my other foot. I tried again. Nope, lost my balance.

What?!?! Again, still couldn't do it. 

I felt a flood of emotion as the reality of how bad it was hit me.  I am loosing my ability to walk.  I can't do what I could do just a few days ago.  It is a terrifying feeling to loose control. The doctor could sense my shock, "It's okay, just sit down again".

My brain knew what to do, but my body couldn't respond.  


The results from my MRI came back showing a lesion (an area of inflammation affecting the nerves) in my spine. I ended up having a major dose of IV steroids to try to shorten the length of time my body would experience the loss of sensation.  I could barely walk with a walker when I started the IV, but over the time I was in the hospital I started to gain some of the feeling back... the numbness started to recede.

After a week in the hospital, I was diagnosed with myelitis and able to come home.  No answers as to what caused it.  I have abnormalities in my spinal fluid which show markers for a potential diagnosis of something in the future. But for now, no clear answers. Just the hope that I'll keep getting more feeling back and be fully functional again - and some physio to help regain that.

It is really hard to not know what the future will bring.  What if this happens again? Should we think about moving to a place that would be easier to get around in just in case? How could this affect our life and our family? Should we even think about that? or just hope this is a once in a life time thing and keep living like we are?