Taking the time to care

Slow down.  Breathe in the moments. 
Make room for the unexpected.
Make space for others.

I was reading in some old journals tonight, filling in the pages of my unfinished baby books (yes, my kids are 2 and 4, but better late than not finished, right?!).  Entries from 4 years ago were a mirror of words I wrote just this week. I'm still struggling in a journey of change that started when my son was born. I've come a long way, but still fight to bring my actions in line with my heart.

I work hard, I'm efficient.  I can multi-task well.  I like to accomplish measurable tasks.  I'm organized. My life before kids was jam packed with work, relationships, and a little bit of time for me to create, and enjoy my passions.  The point is that it was JAM packed.  The more I could get done, the more people I got to know, the more efficient I was at all of these things, the more "mature" I felt.

When my son was born (and the time before -preparing for his birth) my task shaped world came to a screeching halt.  My husband and my son became the primary focus of my energy and the tasks fell aside to them.  I made daily choices to spend time with them, to nurture my son and connect with him, and let the tasks come secondary to that.

I've learned much about slowing down and enjoying simple things.  Showering and getting dressed is more than enough of an accomplishment for one day and the world will not come crashing down if I leave the dishes for a little while longer.  There will always be "just one more thing" that I can get done, but if I focus on those things, I miss the moments of joy with my kids that so easily slip away.

I'm learning to make space in my day for my family, for my friends, and for strangers who cross paths with me in unexpected ways.  Room to care. Room in my heart and also room in my schedule and routines.

I put spare change in my pocket this week not knowing why.  I had a doctor's appointment downtown and had an overwhelming feeling to give the money in my pocket away to a man who needed it.  Not long ago I would have looked on him, and judged, thinking, "I don't know how he'll use the money, probably to buy something that won't help. If he can't be trusted with the money, I shouldn't give it to him".  But this week, I was overcome with the thought, "Just give." No questions, just give.  Make room in my heart to be generous.

I walked through the drug store and gave myself some extra time to just look. An elderly lady in the shampoo aisle asked if I could help her look for a particular brand that her daughter had sent her to find.  My first thought was, "Do I have time for this?"  I had given myself time to not be rushed.  We looked down the whole isle and couldn't find it, but we had a nice conversation and I was able to care for her.

Making space is not just a thing to do because I know it's right, but because I want it to be a part of who I am. 

I was standing in line this week at the dollar store and the person in front of me came up 14 cents short.  I knew that I should offer to cover it, and so I said, "I can cover it for you." I was a little surprised when he put out his hand and gave it to the cashier, but didn't even think twice and didn't acknowledge or say thank you.  It bothered me for a few minutes "he didn't even say thank you"... but the more I thought about it, the more I was reminded that I don't give because I want a pat on the back or a thank you, but because I want to care. Good reminder.

It is not an easy journey to slow down, to reflect, to care. I want to care. And I've noticed that as I slow down, I'm given the sight to see who and how.